Emmett's WalMart Adventures
by silver tears and wasted fears
Summary: This is an extremely poorly written story. I was twelve years old when I wrote this. It sucks. I don't even like Twilight anymore. The only reason it's still here, is because I like to laugh at myself.


**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I own Twlight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn**

**no... really, they're all on my dresser ( i got that from someone but don't remember who)**

**ANYWAY! enjoy the show!**

**i dont really own twilight by the way**

**if i could i would own edward though**

***sigh***

**________________________________________________________________________________________________**

BPOV

"I'm bored."

Uh-oh, those are two words, two very bad words that can only wreak havoc when coming from Emmett's mouth. Whenever he was bored, he usually wants to do something. And, it cannot be something small, no, it has to be… major. We try not to indulge in his activities because he never wants to do anything alone but, Nessie is very much like her Uncle Emmett, and will do anything to please him. So, if she is in, I'm in, then so is Edward and Jacob. Rosalie is in, because she needs to make sure Emmett doesn't do anything _too_ stupid. Alice is in because she doesn't want to be left out, and eventually Jasper gets in because he wants to stay with Alice. It's all one big chain of events really, and since Nessie put it in to motion, there was no way to stop her.

"We should do something." He said, "Something lots of fun!"

"No, Emmett." Edward said narrowing his eyes, but it was too late. The wheels were already turning in his head.

"I'm up for anything Uncle Em." said Renesmee.

"Sweetie, I don't think that's such a good idea…" I trailed off.

She came over to be and got down on her hands and knees "Oh, please, please, pretty please with a cherry on top, Mommy! I'll be so grateful and love you _forever and forever." _

"Literally!" Emmett chortled. I rolled my eyes and turned back to my lovely daughter with the full extent of saying no, but the minute I looked into her big brown orbs, I was lost and she knew it. I would do anything she asked of me. She truly had the dazzling abilities of her father. So, I nodded, and she smiled mischievously.

"Oh! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't regret it."

Edward sighed. "Why don't we believe you? Bella, are you sure?"Renesmee snorted. "Oh, Daddy, you'll listen to anything Mom says and you know it!"

Emmett made a whipping sound with his mouth and flicked his wrist. I looked at Edward.

"Come on… How can you refuse us?" We both made puppy dog faces at him. He sighed. "I can't, ok, what did you have in mind Emmett?"

"Well, I was thinking---" Emmett started. Then Alice came barreling down the stairs with Jasper in tow. "That's a great idea Emmett!"

"It is?!"

"Yes! I just had a vision about it! It's going to be great!"

"If it's so great Alice, then why are you blocking me from your mind?" Edward asked.

"Because you are one big party pooper, and we don't want you to ruin our fun. So, you guys go ahead. Take the Volvo, or the Porsche, or the Ferrari, or the M3, just don't take Emmett's jeep. We need it, it's the only vehicle big enough to carry our equipment."

"Equipment?" Rosalie asked, she had hardly said anything and I had almost forgotten she was there. She was so busy admiring her reflection.

"Yes, equipment." Alice sighed. "Well, what are you all waiting for? Go on now, we don't want to take forever, just because we have the time."

"Um… Alice" I pointed out

She sighed impatiently. "Yes, Bella?"

"You never told us where we're going?""Oh, right." She giggled. "Silly me, we're going to, drum roll please…"Emmett and Nessie excitedly slapped their hands on the hardwood flooring.

"WAL-MART!" she shrieked.

"Oh yes!" Nessie squealed, high-fiving Emmett.

_Oh no._

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**At Wal-Mart**

We were in front of Wal-mart, waiting for Alice and Emmett. Renesmee wanted to stay with them so she would know what the plan was, but I put my foot down. I could not let them corrupt my child anymore then they already had. Edward was pacing in front of the store, and I could tell, that like myself, not knowing what was going to happen was bothering him. We were both, never ones for surprises.

I momentarily took down my shield.

"_Edward." _I thought, _"Should I be afraid?"_

"Yes," he whispered into my ear, "frightened." I shuddered, wondering just what was in store.

Suddenly, Emmett's jeep pulled into the parking lot, and I let out a deep breath I hadn't realized I had been holding in. Alice bounced gracefully into the store and Emmett un-gracefully lumbered on behind her. And, in his arms he was holding…

…

…

…

…

…

**A KARAOKE MACHINE?!?!?!**

Uh-oh. Karaoke + Emmett= Bad things coming. Emmett walked right by us, and since Wal-Mart only uses five of their 50,000,000 lanes in the store, Emmett jumped onto one of the un-used ones and started to make an announcement.

"YO YO YO YO EVERYBODY! The Cullen's are in the hizz-house! My name is Docta E! And today, we have a special treat for all of y'all. We're gonna give you some… KARAOKE!" Nessie squealed excitedly, Rosalie rolled her eyes, Edward was fuming, and I wanted to run for the hills. And, Jasper had a look that was crossed between all four of us. He had one eye rolling (Rosalie's emotions), while the other eye was wide with fear (My emotions), he had made a very girly sounding shriek of anticipation (Renesmee's emotions), and his mouth was set into a hard line (Edward's). He truly looked quite ridiculous, and if I wasn't so scared I would have laughed.

But I didn't.

Emmett begin. "The first song I am going to sing is dedicated to my brother Edward. I'm sure this is how he felt on his honeymoon to his wonderful wife, Bella" If I were human, I would have been blushing. He started singing, and I immediately recognized the song as "Like a Virgin" by Madonna. The words were the same, with only one small change to fit mine and Edward's story line better. He also added some commentaries after certain lines. Oh joy.

_I made it through the wilderness Somehow I made it through Didn't know how lost I was Until I found you I was beat incomplete I'd been had, I was sad and blue But you made me feel Yeah, you made me feel Shiny and new Like a virgin Touched for the very first time Like a virgin When your heart beats Unlike Mine_

_Gonna give you all my love, girlI had lots of fear, but it's fading fast Been saving it all for you 'Cause you're my first, love, and my last You're so fine and you're mine Make me strong, yeah you make me bold Oh your love thawed out Yeah, your love thawed out What was scared and cold _

_(LIKE ME!)Oooh, oooh, oooh You're so fine and you're mine I'll be yours 'till the end of time (FORREAL!)'Cause you made me feel Yeah, you made me feel I've nothing to hide Like a virgin, ooh, ooh Like a virgin Feels so good inside (SO DO YOU!)When you hold me, and your heart beats, and you love me Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Ooh, baby Can't you hear my heart beat For the very first time? (LITERALLY!)_

The crowd clapped enthusiastically. And, I couldn't help it, I erupted into laughter. Actually, all of us were. Well, except for Edward, and Nessie. Nessie because, for obvious reasons, she didn't like to think of her parents that way. But, no matter how they both feel, you gotta think it's hilarious.

"My next song is dedicated to my hot, hot, hot wife Rosalie. This is exactly how I feel about her…" Uh-oh. This shouldn't be good.

_I believe in miraclesWhere you fromYou sexy thingI believe in miraclesSince you came alongYou sexy thingMiracles right before my eyesYou sexy thing got me hypnotizedDon't stop what ya' doingWhat ya' doing to meMy angel from above lying next to meHow did ya' know that I'd be the oneBeen a long time coming only just begunDoing all the things that makes my heart singKeep doing what you're doing you sexy thingHow did ya' know I needed you so badlyHow did ya' know I gave my heart gladlyYesterday I was one of a lonely peopleNow you're lying next to meMaking love to meI believe in miraclesWhere you fromYou sexy thingYou sexy thingI believe in miraclesSince you came alongYou sexy thingOnly yesterday I was on my ownJust another day later my mind was blownYou sexy thing come into my lifeForever and a day it feels so rightHow did ya' know that I'd be the oneBeen a long time coming only just begunDoing all the things that makes my heart singKeep doing what you're doing you sexy thingHow did ya' know I needed you so badlyHow did ya' know I gave my heart gladlyYesterday I was one of a lonely peopleNow you're lying next to meMaking love to meI believe in miraclesWhere you fromYou sexy thingYou sexy thingI believe in miraclesSince you came alongYou sexy thingKiss me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingTouch me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingKiss me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingTouch me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingKiss me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingTouch me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingKiss me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingTouch me babyYou sexy thingYou sexy thingYou sexy thing_

Rosalie ran to Emmett and swept him up in a passionate kiss. It was ok at first, but after about eight minutes, it was annoying. So, we all started to cough-- _loudly._ It took about four minutes of coughing for them to finally stop.

Emmett started to clear his throat. "I'm afraid that this is going to be my last song," He paused as though the crowd started to boo that he was stopping, "I know, I know, you hate to see me go. Anyway, my last song is dedicated to Bella. This song is perfect for her. I love you little sis!"

I was afraid to say the least. I did not know what the song would be, but I knew whatever it was, it would be embarrassing. Something I should not stick around for, I took my shield down and let Edward know what I wanted. He nodded and on the count of three…

_1-2-3-…._

We grabbed Renesmee and bolted out the door, we didn't even bother to take the car, we just ran all the way home. Once we got home, we put Nessie into bed. We laid down on the couch, with my head in Edward's lap.

"Edward-" I said.

"Yes, love?"

"We are never ever ever letting Emmett take us to Wal-Mart ever again."


End file.
